Man accuses 30-year-old working sister-in-law of being a gold digger, flips out when she and her husband refuse to help him pay for a family vacation: 'I really don't feel comfortable after all the times he's disrespected me'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Oct 18, 2024 1:00 PM EDT

They say that you can't choose your family, but technically speaking that is exactly what you do when you marry into one. Nonetheless, just because you think your spouse is a great person doesn't mean you can say the same for all of their relatives. It is extremely common to have problems with in-laws, and they come in every shape and size.

For one woman, her issue was her brother-in-law's incessant teasing about her financial status. Both she and her husband work, but her husband earns more money, leading to his brother continually calling her a gold digger. Without a hint of irony, he recently requested their help to pay for a family vacation, which the couple rejected. It's fair to say that this ruffled some feathers within the family. However, once the issue was brought to the internet it was very clear whose side the general public wanted to be on.

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    via Getty Images (Unsplash +)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    AITA for refusing to help my brother-in-law pay for a vacation after he's repeatedly called me a gold digger?
    via saffronloveee
  • 03
    I (30F) have been married to my husband (32M) for five years. We both work hard and are pretty comfortable financially. My husband does earn more than I do, but we've always seen it as our money — we're a team and split responsibilities equally. - -
    via saffronloveee
  • 04
    The issue is my brother-in-law (34M). For years, he's made these "jokes" about me being a gold digger because my husband earns more. It's always in front of people, and while I usually just laugh it off to avoid making things awkward, it really bothers me. I've always worked, I contribute to our household, and it's frustrating to have that constantly dismissed like I'm just living off my husband.
    via saffronloveee
  • 05
    Recently, my BIL and his wife asked us to help cover their part of a family vacation because they can't afford to go on their own. My husband and I talked about it, and while we could help, I really don't feel comfortable after all the times he's disrespected me.
    via saffronloveee
  • 06
    When I said no, my BIL tried to laugh it off, saying I was overreacting and that it was all just "harmless jokes." I'm honestly over it. Now he's upset, and my in-laws are saying I'm making a big deal out of nothing, and that "family helps family." My husband has my back, but I can't help second- guessing myself. Am I being too sensitive here? AITA for refusing to help because of how he has been treating me?
    via saffronloveee
  • 07
    poeadam ΝΤΑ It blows my mind how often people get called out on their BS and fail to properly apologize. BIL could very easily have said something like "I'm sorry - you are rightly calling me out on this item as I see how my asking for money after teasing you about being a gold digger comes off very badly. I thought I was joking, but it is clear now that my comments were hurtful and were not actually funny. I am sorry for that and won't make those comments in the future." Perhaps if he had done
    via poeadam
  • 08
    saffronloveee OP I think some people fail to develop at a certain age and their brain just thinks like a child's one.
    via saffronloveee
  • 09
    hurray4dolphins Interesting that he is calling them "harmless jokes" because they seem to have harmed his ability to go on this family trip.
    via hurray4dolphins
  • 10
    stinstin555 Dead. On a serious note my answer to BIL would have been 'who is the gold digger now?' 0
    via stinstin555
  • 11
    marcus_ohreallyus123 And why would OP pay for the privilege of having BIL continue to call her a gold digger on the vacation.
    via marcus_ohreallyus123
  • 12
    IgnotusPeverill So your BIL is a gold-digger and his family supports that. Neither a borrower or a lender be. NTA OP.
    via IgnotusPeverill
  • 13
    Vandreeson NTA. He can go dig his own gold. Why would you or anyone else pay for someone else's vacation? If he can't afford it, he can't go. How does his vacation involve you or your husband in any way other than him wanting your money? Family helps family. Well his in-laws are family, they can help him.
    via Vandreeson
  • 14
    JohnRedcorn Massage It's so easy too. Several times I've thought I was playfully teasing someone, and they pulled me aside and said they didn't like it. "Oh , I'm sorry. I thought you were in on the joke. I won't do it again!" So simple IF you're actually sorry
    via JohnRedcornMassage
  • 15
    mustyminotaur That's a huge IF right there. I also enjoy a good natured ribbing, but like you said, if someone lets me know they're uncomfortable with it i immediately apologize because my intent was never to be hurtful. I highly doubt BIL's intent wasn't to hurt OP's feelings.
    via mustyminotaur
  • 16
    Tight Jaguar 3881 Family helps family when it is an emergency need not a luxury like a vacation. You are not his mom. Why should you pay for their vacation? You are not being too sensitive. He was trying to hurt your feelings with those statements, and he succeeded.
    via Tight_Jaguar_3881
  • 17
    MathHatter Absolutely agree NTA for not paying for the vacation, that's a weird and totally optional request even if you were on good terms. But, OP, I think you should look into your and your husband's conflict avoidance for not having tried to nip your BIL's comments in the bud earlier. There was really no reason whatsoever to spend years laughing off something hurtful without your husband pulling him aside and asking him to stop. Which it doesn't sound like you did. It's not a good joke, and
    via MathHatter
  • 18
    analyst19 NTA. I wouldn't give them a dime, much less for a non-essential vacation. Have a sit-down with your husband. He needs to be defending you when his brother denigrates you at family events.
    via analyst19
  • 19
    saffronloveee OP My husband is very protective when it comes to me and is definitely not shy when it comes at defending me in front of my family! I know he clearly doesn't believe the stupid jokes my brother is telling but it just hurts to hear them.
    via saffronloveee
  • 20
    regular6drunk7 Tell all those in-laws who are telling you "family helps family" to prove it by opening up their wallets.
    via regular6drunk7
  • 21
    Mediocre-Farmer1326 You can help him and destroy him with simillar jokes that he can't even pay for his wife
    via Mediocre-Farmer1326
  • 22
    saffronloveee OP I thought about doing that haha but then a thought kicked in that I am not like him nor do I want to be like him so that's why I didn't do it.
    via saffronloveee
  • 23
    Peony-Pony NTA They asked the family "gold digger" (ha-ha, so funny) for money for a vacation. Not money because they were short on their rent or mortgage, needed to pay a utility or it would get shut off or food because they were broke until the next paycheck, they asked for money to go on vacation. Last time I checked, if you can not afford to go on vacation, you don't go. While I believe firmly people need a break from work for their own sanity and mental well being, it doesn't require taking
    via Peony-Pony
  • 24
    When I said no, my BIL tried to laugh it off, saying I was overreacting and that it was all just "harmless jokes." I'm honestly over it. Now he's upset, and my in-laws are saying I'm making a big deal out of nothing, and that "family helps family." Well then, perfect, Mommy and Daddy should feel free to pay for it themselves.
    via Peony-Pony
  • 25
    CandylandCanada NTA. Notice how the people who use trite maxims such as "family helps family" are invariably on the receiving end what they say it. It's never a case of them giving you money to pay bills, or an unexpected expense, you thanking them profusely, and them waving it away with a modest retort. You are being too sensitive, but not in the way that you mean.
    via CandylandCanada
  • 26
    1. In-laws need to out. When they turn over their money after being insulted repeatedly, then they can comment. BTW, that time will never come. 2. Look at the nerve on BIL to ask you to pay for their vacation because they can't afford it. The audacity is breathtaking. 3. BIL is a giant AH for calling you names because you and your husband have more money than him. 4. Not content to act the fool in front of everyone, he then doubles down by asking you to give him some of that money. Truly, a sham
    via CandylandCanada
  • 27
    You are being too sensitive because you are considering, even for a moment his outrageous request, and questioning whether you are in the wrong, and whether BIL and in-laws are in the right. His request would have been inappropriate even without the sordid history of misogynistic comments. Your response should be "That doesn't work for us", not one more word. DON'T preface it with "I'm sorry", because you have done nothing for which you should apologize. DON'T give even a hint of explanation or
    via CandylandCanada

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aita gold digger reddit thread Reddit wife relationships husband money brother in law vacation
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